What if the other side does not want to negotiate? - Chapter 7

Which three approaches can be used for focusing the attention of the other side on the merits of negotiation?

The first approach focuses on what you can do yourself. It basically refers to principled negotiation. The second approach focuses on what the other may do and refers to negotiation jujitsu. It counters the basic moves of positional bargaining in a way that directs their attention to the merits of negotiation. The third approach is what a third party can do. If neither of the first approaches work, a third party may be able to focus the discussion on interests, options, and criteria. The most effective tool for a third party is the one-text mediation procedure.

What is negotiation jujitsu?

Negotiation jujitsu means breaking the vicious cycle of escalation by refusing to react negatively during a negotiation. Resistance should be channeled into other activities, such as exploring interests, inventing options for mutual gain, and searching for independent standards.

How to deal with the 'attack' of the other and deflect it?

Typically, the 'attack' of the other side consists of:

• Asserting their position forcefully. When the other side asserts their position forcefully, it is best to neither reject it nor accept it. It should be treated as one of the possible options. You should look for the interests behind it and the principles that it reflects, then think about ways to improve it.

• Attacking your ideas. When the other side is attacking your ideas, try not to defend your ideas, but to invite criticism and advice. Examine the negative judgements to find out what the underlying interests are and how your ideas can improve. Sometimes it may help to ask the other side what they would do in your position.
• Attacking you. When the other side is attacking you personally, try to see this as an attack on the problem. Let the other side let off steam and when they have finished, recast their attack as an attack on the problem.

Why is it better to use questions instead of statements?

Statements tend to generate resistance, whereas questions tend to generate answers. Questions allow the other side to get their points across and let you understand them. They can be used to lead the other side to confront the problem. Questions offer no position to attack and they do not criticize.

Why is it better to stay silent in certain moments during the negotiation?

Silence is one of the key tools in negotiation jujitsu. If the other side has made an unreasonable proposal, attacked you personally, or has not answered your honest question, it can be good to just be silent. People tend to feel uncomfortable with silence, especially if they have doubts about the merits of something that they have said. Often, the other side feels impelled to break the silence by answering your question or coming up with a new suggestion.

What is the one-text mediation procedure?

The one-text mediation procedure is a form of mediation that employs the use of a single document that ties in the often wide-ranging interests of all sides in a conflict. It regards a third party preparing a draft to which neither side is committed. The sides are then asked to criticize and improve the primary draft. This will be done again and again until everybody feels that the draft can be improved no further. It simplifies the process of inventing options and jointly deciding on one. It gives all sides the opportunity to say what is most important to them. This method is very helpful for negotiations with two sides, but for large multilateral negotiations it is almost essential. Multiple sides need some way of simplifying the process of decision-making without diminishing the quality of the outcome.

Who should mediate a negotiation?

There are many pros to using a third party mediator. A mediator can separate the people from the problem, direct the discussion to interests and options, and reduce the number of decisions required to reach agreement. In negotiations with more than two sides, a natural third party may be a participant whose interests lie more in reaching an agreement than in affecting the particular terms. In all cases, it is best if you yourself act as a mediator would.

What kind of phrases are commonly used during principled negotiation and what do they mean?

There are many phrases a principled negotiator might use in different situations. Some of these phrases will be discussed here in terms of the theory that lies behind them and their impact on the negotiation.

• “Please correct me if I am wrong." By using this phrase the mediator remains open to persuasion by objective facts and principles. The mediator invites the other to participate by either agreeing with the facts as presented, or by setting them right. This defuses any confrontation that could have been caused by stating facts as facts.
• “Could I ask you a few questions to see whether my facts are right?“ It is always better to ask a question than to make a statement of fact, as they can be perceived as threatening. By phrasing information in the form of a question, the other side gets to listen, participate, and evaluate. It is a way of communicating the same information in a non-provocative manner.
• “Our concern is fairness." By using this phrase the mediator takes a basic stand on principle. He lets the other side know that he must be persuaded on the basis of principle.
• “We appreciate what you have done for us." This phrase gives personal support to the person on the other side and disentangles the people from the problem. The mediator puts himself on the other side and defuses any threat to the self-image the other side may experience.
• “Let me see if I understand what you are saying." This phrase makes the other side feel listened to and understood. It lets them relax and discuss the problem constructively. It also prevents the other side from dismissing the mediators arguments on the grounds that they do not take into account what he knows.
• “We would like to settle this on the basis of independent standards." This phrase is a good example of negotiation jujitsu. It brings the negotiation back to the merits.
• “One fair solution might be…." This phrase does not claim it is the only fair solution, but simply one fair solution. It is specific, without digging into a position.
• “Trust is a separate issue." In many negotiations one side will say “Do you not trust me?” By using the phrase, the question of trust becomes irrelevant. 
• “Let me show you where I have trouble following some of your reason." When a mediator uses this phrase, he should make sure to present his reasons before offering a proposal. Doing it the other way around makes the principles seem like justifications for an arbitrary position, instead of objective criteria. Explaining reasons first shows openness to persuasion.
• “Let me get back to you." This is a good phrase to end the discussion for the moment. A good negotiator does not make important decisions on the spot. Taking some time helps disentangle the people from the problem. It also shows decisiveness and control on the part of the mediator.