Article summary with "My child will actually say 'I am upset'... Before all they would do was scream": Teaching parents emotion validation in a social care setting by Lambie a.o. - 2020

What is the background of this study?

A child learns to understand and regulate emotions during early childhood, in which the parents provide the mean context. A supportive response by the parent to the negative emotion the child is experiencing leads to a better emotion regulation. Emotion validation by parents of children growing up in a vulnerable family (due to stress, maltreatment or economic disadvantage) has a beneficial influence on their emotional development. Unfortunately, there is no sufficient research that helps health workers in teaching emotion validation to parents. It is also disputable how emotion validation should be conceptualized and why it is helpful for children. This study aims to examine how feasible it is to teach emotion validation to parents and health workers in a social care setting and what the effects are on a child’s emotion regulation and emotion awareness.

What is ‘emotional validation’?

Emotion validation is the non-judgmental and accurate communicative reference to someone else’s feelings or emotions. In the context of this study, this requires a knowledgeable parent that is capable of directing the attention of the child to its own feeling or emotion, helping the child to conceptualize these emotions. This can be achieved through non-verbal and verbal communication. An example of verbal motion validation: “You seem upset’ or “it seems you are really angry”. A non-verbal example could be the exaggerated imitation of a facial expression (in a way that does not reject the emotion, labels the emotion incorrectly or expresses anger or sarcasm).

Emotion validation differs from empathy, although there are some overlapping elements. Emotion validation is an action, while empathy is considered a feeling or knowledge state. Emotion validation requires a communicative act that non-judgmentally and accurately refers to the other’s emotions. There are four criteria for emotion validation:

1. The other person’s emotion is noticed;
2. A communicative act that refers to the other person’s emotion state;
3. The act is accurate;
4. The act is non-judgmental.

Emotion validation is one of the five crucial components of ‘emotion coaching’ (a parenting style). The other components are: parents are more aware of emotions, the parents view the negative emotions of the child as an teaching opportunity, the parents guide the child in emotion labeling and the parents problem-solve together with the child. ‘Emotion dismissing’, avoiding or shutting down the negative emotions of children, is the opposite of ‘emotion coaching’. Emotion coaching and emotion validation are both considered beneficial to children. Parental emotion validation while playing a game with the child proved to increase self-reported emotion awareness by the child, while emotion dismissing by parents led to a decreased emotion regulation and more behaviour issues.

Why is teaching emotional validation to parents important?

Emotion validation plays an important role in the emotional development of a child, which implies that teaching parents emotional validation could be helpful for their children. A limited amount of studies was aimed at teaching emotion coaching and not one focused on emotion validation.

Earlier studies show how emotion coaching courses for parents contribute to better emotion coaching by the parents and less problematic behaviour, an increased emotion knowledge, emotion awareness and emotional regulation regarding the children. Emotion coaching training for social workers who work with young clients resulted into an increased self-reported emotion coaching. Research also shows that especially mothers in more high risk families are in need of emotion coaching training.

What are the theoretical issues regarding emotion validation?

While the importance of emotion coaching and emotion validating by parents regarding the emotion regulation skills and emotional awareness of their children has been proven, there is still discussion about the underlying processes and mechanisms of emotion validation. There is a theoretical issue regarding the parent (the sender): in what way is the parent’s communication beneficial for the child? There are two possibilities: the use of mentalization and treating the child as a psychological agent, or the parent’s acceptance of the negative feelings of the child, which leads to the acknowledgment of the negative emotions as part of the child’s self.

The second theoretical issue regards the child (the receiver): in what way assists emotion validation the child in regulating emotions? There are two possibilities: the sideways regulation theory and the down-regulation theory. Down-regulation theory: emotion validation has a direct calming effect on the child. For example, the emotional arousal of the child is lowered or it’s parasympathetic nervous system is activated. Sideways regulation: the child changes its relationship with the experienced emotions. This could mean becoming more aware of the emotion and ‘owning’ it or expressing the emotion without any shame.

What are the research questions?

1. Is teaching parents emotional validation skills in social care and group settings feasible, and is coaching family workers to deliver such teaching feasible? Sub question: Is teaching emotional validation to parents deemed practical and useful by family workers?

2. Does teaching emotion validation skills to parents result into increased emotion validation skills in practice? Sub question: in terms of how children are being treated, how can we best characterize the nature of parental emotional validation?

3. Did the use of emotion validation result into an increase of the child’s emotion regulation skills and emotional awareness according to the reports of the parents? Sub question: to what extent rest the reported beneficial effects on acceptance of negative emotions versus down-regulation?

What method was used?

Who were the participants?

The participants of this study were 11 parents (2 fathers, 9 mothers, aged 20-39) to children between the age 2 and 5 years who received early help from social services and 5 (female) family workers. The parents were recruited through family workers who deemed them in need of the course. 

What measures were used?

All parents filled in questionnaires, while the family workers were interviewed. Questions for the parents: 1) were the interventions helpful?, 2) What are your thoughts on emotional validation (is it being used?), 3) Did you notice any changes in your child as a result of you following this course: has it changed the way they talk about and cope with their emotions?), 4) How has following this course affected you, your confidence in parenting and the way you deal with your emotions?

Questions for the family workers: Were the interventions helpful for your client? How was your client’s child affected? Did delivering this material affect your professional practice or your views on emotions?

What materials were used?

The parents followed a 1 month-course in emotion validation. Used were a set of books, cards and toys targeted at educating young children about emotions. This set included a guide on emotional validation for parents and story books about various emotions (sadness, anger, fear, love, happiness).

The course focused on four skills:

• talking with your child about emotions
• validating the emotions of your child
• helping the child to regulate their emotions
• how to look after yourself and set boundaries

What procedure was followed?

Parents followed group classes and family workers visited the parents at home for one-on-one sessions. The course ended with filling in open-ended question forms. The family workers were interviewed.

What were the results?

Qualitative data were collected from 9 parents and 5 family workers and analysed by using a combination of inductive and deductive thematic analysis.

Six categories were distinguished:

1. The parents becoming more validating;
2. The vulnerability of the parents affecting their ability to use emotional validating skills;
3. The children becoming more aware of emotions;
4. The children becoming calmer and more acceptive of negative emotions;
5. The children transferring emotion validation to other people;
6. The family workers incorporating emotion validation skills into their work field.

What were the results regarding category 1?

Out of 14 participants, 12 reported an increase in the use of emotional validation by parents. They made use of the provided books and toys on a daily basis. An example: when a parent noticed her child being sad, she told him – referring to a book – “I can see that you are sad, I understand that you’re sad. Tell my why you are sad.” One family worker reported how a mother learned how to rephrase things, like the statement ‘stop complaining’. Most parents did not practice emotional validation before this course. A child would be ignored until it calmed down or would get an response to positive emotions only.

What were the results regarding category 2?

4 participants (of which 3 family workers) reported that the parent’s own vulnerability affected their ability to use the emotion validation skills. Some parents had problems with reading the parenting guide due low literacy or felt awkward playing with the toys. Two parents found it difficult to calmly deliver emotional validation, especially when they were angry or stressed. The negative emotion exhibited by the child can be a stressor for the parent as well. Maybe the parent (also) has emotional or social problems. One mother (a domestic violence victim) told her child off by expressing her own negative emotions, which the child could not tolerate. Both had issues with tolerating negative emotions. 

What were the results regarding category 3?

11 participants reported that children exhibited increased emotional awareness by talking more about their emotions. An example: “My son will actually tell me when he is distressed. Before all he would do was yell”. Children told their parents what happened to them and how it made them feel. They were not used to opening up about their emotions before this course. 

What were the results regarding category 4?

9 participants reported that the course made it easier to calm a child down. Children threw much less tantrums. Children calmed down quicker while still exhibiting negative emotions (sideways emotion regulation).

What were the results regarding category 5?

7 participants reported that children started validating other people (their siblings, parents, toys or other kids at school) spontaneously. One child now asks his mother whether she is sad when she hurts herself.

What were the results regarding category 6?

The 5 family workers mentioned that the emotional validation course had some beneficial impact on the practice of their profession. This included using emotional validation more, distinguishing emotions from behaviour (“all emotions are okay, not all behaviours are okay”) and the value of using toys and books to encourage child-parent emotion talk.

What are the limitations of this study?

The absence of a control group made it impossible to compare the benefits of emotional validation with those of the regular treatment options. Also, no standardized measures were used and there was a limited number of participants. 

What are the conclusions?

The study confirms that it is feasible to teach emotion validation to parents in a social care setting, by using two methods: one-on-one sessions with a family worker and following group classes. However, the own emotional vulnerability of the parents could limit their ability to effectively learn emotional validation skills. Family workers deemed emotional validation a good addition to the practice of their profession. Parents who followed the course reported an increase in their own use of emotion validation, in the emotion awareness of their children and in the levels of emotion regulation of their children. Children also exhibited emotion validation to other people, they talked more about their negative emotions and while these emotions had not stopped, the children calmed down a lot quicker. The parents also mentioned how they themselves talked more about the negative emotions of their children. This could indicate that parents became more acceptive of the negative emotions of the child, which possible resulted into the child taking more ownership of their negative emotions.