Love and sex - Universiteit Utrecht

Lecture 10 Love and sex 

Part 1 &2 – Adolescent romance 

• Not only being in a romantic relationship, but also: 

• Daydreaming about the person in front of you in class with whom you have never spoken 

• Claims to have a boyfriend, but denied by the boy 

• Talk on phone everyday (or texting), but never seen in public together for fear of being ridiculed 

• Going together but only spend time together with other members of their crowd 

• Going steady for 3 years (the “real” thing) 

• Fantasies to interactions to relationships = romantic experiences 

Romance  

• Love or romance is central theme in 68% of pop music 

• One of top 5 script themes for adolescent characters on TV 

• Adolescent girls attribute 34% of their strong emotions to real or fantasized heterosexual relationships 

• Adolescent boys 25% 

• Substantially higher than any other topic 

• Organizing principles of peer culture 

• Focal topic of conversation in leisure time 

Romantic relationship 

• Romantic Relationship = mutually acknowledged ongoing voluntary interactions.  

• Compared to other peer relationships, romantic ones typically have a distinctive intensity, commonly marked by expressions of affection and current or anticipated sexual behavior.  

• Applies to same-gender, as well as mixed-gender, relationships. 

Romantic experiences 

• Refers to activities and processes that include romantic relationships and also behavioral, cognitive, and emotional phenomena that do not involve direct experiences with a romantic partner.  

• Includes:  

• fantasies and one-sided attractions (“crushes”),  

• interactions with potential romantic partners (including flirting) and  

• Brief, nonromantic sexual encounters (e.g., “hooking up,” or casual involvement in activities usually thought to take place with romantic partners, from “making out” to intercourse) 

Adolescent romance 

• Romantic relationships support the development of interpersonal skills and promote a sense of identity.  

• Experiment with romantic relations  

• may facilitate healthy relations in adulthood.  

• Opportunities to gain skills in the expression and regulation of emotions, empathy and intimacy. 

Developmental progression of romantic and sexual interest and behavior 

• 8-11 (Pre and early puberty) adrenarche  

• First crush  

• Sexual attraction  

• Sexual arousal  

• More awareness of social rules 

• 12-17 Mid and late puberty  

• Gender intensification  

• Gender binary  

• conformity increases and then subsides  

• Romantic relationships  

• Duration longer  

• More intense  

• Some life-long partners  

• Sexual Experiences increase 

• Not until adolescence do truly intimate relationships first emerge  

• Characteristics of true intimacy:  

• Openness, honesty, self-disclosure, and trust  

• Intimacy becomes an important concern due to changes of  

• Puberty  

• Cognitive changes  

• Social changes 

What is intimacy? 

• Intimacy involves a relationship where two or more people reveal personal thoughts and information about each other.  

• Comfortable revealing themselves in an intimate relationship  

• feel comfort and support from the other person  

• Physical closeness usually comes along with intimacy.  

• hugging and touching 

How does intimacy develop in adolescent friendships? 

• Intimate friendships are defined as "the ability to share one's thoughts and feelings with a friend“ (Berndt & Williams, 1990, p. 278).  

• Intimate friendships become more common in adolescence  

• feel it is safer to reveal things to their friends.  

• Adolescents seek approval from adults,  

• therefore, less inclined to reveal things  

• fear being looked upon as childish  

• Adolescents look for intimate relationships with other adolescents  

• feel that others their own age are going through similar experiences  

• and will be able to relate (Cole & Cole, 1993) 

How does intimacy develop in romantic relationships? 

• Intimacy in a romantic relationship differs from a friendship because of the added sexual interest  

• Emotional intimacy increases with age and experience with relationships, first romantic relationships have very little intimacy  

• Adolescents learn how to express and deal with their sexual identities by discussions with their friends 

Dating  

• What is a date?  

• A social engagement between young people with no commitment beyond the expectation that it is fun for both.  

• Factors related to dating frequency  

• Liked by peers  

• Large number of close other-sex friends > larger network of other-sex members>increased likelihood of romantic relations 

• Age (older more) 

Dating relationships 

• Serve many purposes, besides developing intimacy  

• Establishing emotional and behavioral autonomy from parents  

• Furthering development of gender identity  

• Learning about oneself as a romantic partner (self concept)  

• Establishing/maintaining status and popularity in peer group 

Prevalence  

• Romantic relationships are very common, in the past 18 months  

• 25% of 12-year-olds reported having one  

• 50% of 15-year-olds  

• 70% of 18-year-olds, 80% ever 

Not trivial 

• Early adolescence (25% daters)  

• 80% thought of themselves as a couple  

• Of these, 67% had told each other they loved each other (Carver et al., 2003)  

• Late adolescence (80% daters)  

• By age 18, average length of relationship 9.5 months 

But can dating too young lead to problems? Is it age or the peer group? 

• Norms for dating: 

• Descriptive norms: what others do 

• Injunctive norms: what others approve of/desire 

Downside of early adolescent romantic relationships 

• Links to depression  

• Negative association to academics  

• Risk for aggression  

• Attraction to aggressive peers increases in middle school  

• Early adolescent romantic rel = higher risk of partner violence  

• Bullies date earlier 

Age or peer group? 

• Examined how peer norms condition the effect of romantic involvement on adolescents’ internalizing and externalizing problem behaviors 

• Higher levels of problem behaviors and higher levels of depression when they started dating 

• Descriptive norms on dating experience of friendship group (67%) and classmates (78%)  

• Externalizing problems = arguing with teacher, punished in class, late for school, using alcohol, cigarettes, drugs  

• Internalizing problems = I feel worried, depressed, worthless. 

• Externalizing problems 

• For those adolescents who started a relationship, they showed a significant increase in externalizing problems 

• Dating norms of friends: main effect of dating norms of friends (by boys). Dating norms of class and when start to date. These effects aren't for girls. 

• Results boys 

• Dating starters engaged in more ext prob at time 2 

• Boys engaged in more ext prob at time 2 the higher the friendship norm for dating was 

• Class norms conditioned link between dating and externalizing problems 

• Internalizing problems 

• Started dating > internalizing problems for girls 

• Class norms conditioned link between dating and internalizing problems 

• Early dating relative to the norms of class > internalizing problems 

• Conclusion 

• The impact of dating may depend on context 

Progression of social, romantic and sexual events during adolescence 

• Have you done this behavior? 

• Rankorder (chronologically) 

Uncommitted dating and hooking up 

• Characterized by casual sex, though term includes many other types of sexual encounters  

• 28% of urban secondary students in any form of hook up in 2009 (associated with drug use, truancy and school suspensions)  

• Hook-ups involving sexual intercourse  

• 62% between friends  

• 23% acquaintances  

• What about the effects of age? 

• Casual sex partners by age: levels off by 22 

Predictors of casual sex 

• Perceptions of peers sexual activity (weaker for females) (descriptive norms) 

• Alcohol use  

• Number of prior dating partners  

• Enrollment in higher education (-), but changes as people get older  

• Not significant  

• peers attitudes (injunctive norms) 

• Drug use to get high  

• Parental relationship quality  

• Full time employment 

Significance of romantic experiences 

• Benefits 

• Intimacy 

• Identity 

• Relatedness 

• Autonomy 

• Social competence 

• Positive self esteem 

• Risks 

• Teen pregnancy 

• STDs 

• Sexual victimization 

• 25% victims of dating violence or aggression 

• Break ups 

• Depression 

• Multiple victim killings 

• Suicide 

Part 3 – theoretical perspectives 

1. Biosocial perspectives (evolution)  

• Emphasize the interactions between biological changes and the (social) context  

• Primary theory: evolutionary psychology.  

• changes in social relationships that enhance reproductive fitness should co-occur with attaining reproductive capability.  

• Reproductive fitness = number of copies of one’s genes passed on to future generations 

• Developmental Evolutionary Attachment Model 

• Reproductive strategies and pubertal development 

• Evolved to maximize inclusive fitness  

• Inclusive fitness – number of copies of one’s genes passed on through one’s offspring, surviving collateral kin, or unrelated others 

• Parenting is one means of increasing fitness 

• Reproductive strategies 

• Quantitative or qualitative 

• Quantitative strategy 

• Limited investment of time, energy, resources “'bad parenting” 

• Many offspring 

• High mating effort 

• Qualitative strategy 

• Time, energy, resources, “good parenting” 

• Few offspring 

• High parenting effort 

• Developmental evolutionary attachment model 

• See slide 

2. Interpersonal perspectives  

• Interpersonal perspectives emphasize the nature and processes of changes in adolescents' social relationships and the contribution of these changes to individual development.  

• In interdependence models, joint patterns of actions, cognitions, and emotions between two individuals are the primary locus of interpersonal influences .  

• Attachment theory primary theory (but psychoanalytic and other theories take an interpersonal approach 

1. Attachment theory  

1. A history of sensitive, responsive interactions and strong emotional bonds with caregivers in childhood facilitates adaptation to the transitions of adolescence.  

2. Mature romantic attachments require the cognitive and emotional maturity to integrate attachment, caregiving, and sexual/reproductive components.  

3. the process begins with a redistribution of attachment-related functions (for example, a desire for proximity, relying on the other person for unconditional acceptance) to friends and boyfriends or girlfriends. 

2. Hierarchical model of relational views 

1. Individuals form representations of  

1. Close relationships in general  

2. Types of close relationships (parents, friends, romantic partners)  

3. Particular relationships  

2. Relational views  

1. Includes all behavioral systems (not just internal model of attachment)  

1. Attachment (central to views of parent-child relation until early adulthood)  

2. Caregiving (friendship, parent-child)  

3. Sexual/reproduction (romantic relation) 

4. Affiliation (closeness, central in friendship) 

3. Mature adult romantic relationships integrate all 4  

1.  Includes both  

1. working models (internally, partially nonconscious representations) and  

2. relational styles (overt, conscious representations) 

4. Adult Romantic Attachment Styles and Beh. Systems  

1. Secure base (attachment behaviors)  

1. Secure – cope with stress by seeking social support  

2. Anxious-avoidant – withdraw with stress  

3. Anxious-ambivalent (preoccupied) – preoccupied with partner’s responsiveness  

2. Caregiving  

1. Secure – show more emotional support, reassurance & concern 

2. Anxious-avoidant – show less  

3. Anxious-ambivalent (preoccupied) – overinvolvement, insensitive  

3. Sexuality  

1. Anxious-avoidant – uncommitted sexual relations  

4. Affiliation  

1. Secures – trust, friendship, enjoyment, mutuality  

2. Avoidant – uninvested, distant, non-disclosing 

3. Preoccupied – over-controlling, overly-disclosing, and self-focused 

5. Uses same categorical systems as int. work models of attachment but cover all behavioral systems across all levels  

1. Secure  

2. Anxious-avoidant (dismissing)  

3. Anxious-ambivalent (preoccupied)  

4. Disorganized/unresolved (fearful) 

2. Levels are interdependent 

3. Different relationships often but not necessarily concordant 

6. Parent-child relationship 

1. Parent-child relational views exert influence on dev. of relational views 

2. From attachment theory: similarity in functions as well as persistence of attachment representations across the lifespan  

3. Secure-insecure attachment relationship with parents significantly related to romantic relations in university students 

4. Males related > than females 

5. In adolescence – attachment works via its effects on close relationships in general views about the self with others 

7. Peer relations 

1. Intimacy with close friends = empathy with romantic partner (Connolly & Goldber, 1999)  

2. Quality in friendships = later quality in adolescent RR (Connolly et al 2000)  

3. Hostile talk about women between male peers = aggression toward partner at age 21 (Capaldi, Dishion, Stoolmiller & Yoerger, 2001) 

8. Peer relationships 

1. Importance for initiation romantic relations 

2. Status  

3. Help with finding partner  

4. For sex. minority youth – passionate, same-sex friendships (intense but not sexual) may assist in sexual identity)  

5. Share overt features  

1. Affiliative features 

2. Egalitarian interactions  

6. Thus: both parents and peers are important 

3. Other: Psychoanalytic/psychosocial stage theories  

1. Sullivan (psychoanalytic)  

1. Emphasized the social aspects of growth.  

2. Psychological development can be best understood in interpersonal terms.  

3. Theory focuses on transformations in relationships with others.  

4. Seven stages across life, three stages of interpersonal needs over the course of adolescence. 

5. Need for intimacy precedes development of romantic or sexual relationships.  

1. Capacity for intimacy first develops in same-sex relationships.  

2. Quality of same-sex friendships is predictive of quality of their later romantic relationships (reverse is not true).  

3. Challenge during adolescence is to make the transition between nonsexual, intimate same-sex friendships to sexual, intimate other-sex friendships of late adolescence. 

6. Developmental progression of needs 

1.  Infancy (0-1 yr): Need for contact and tenderness  

2. Child (1-4 yrs) seeks adults for participation in play  

3. Juvenile (4-8): Need for peers and peer acceptance (cooperation, competition and compromise)  

4. Preadolescence (8-13/puberty)  

1. increase need for intimacy (with peers) – one close friend  

5. Adolescence (puberty/13 – 16)  

1. Need for sexual contact/expression and intimacy with opposite-sex peer; self worth synonymous with sexual attractiveness and acceptance by opposite sex peers  Need for integration in adult society  

6. Late Adolescence / Young Adulthood  

1. Need for friendship and sexual expression combine to focus on finding a long term relationship  

7. Adulthood  

1. Establishes a stable, long term relationship and a consistent pattern of viewing the world 

7. Emphasized the social aspects of psychological growth  

1. Changes in the “targets” of intimacy  

2. Sullivan hypothesized that  

1. Intimacy with peers replaces intimacy with parents  

2. Intimacy with peers of the opposite sex replaces intimacy with same-sex friends (Heterosexual perspective)  

3. Actually new targets of intimacy are added to old ones 

2. Erikson (psychoanalytic) 6th crisis: intimacy vs. Isolation 

1. Identity Crisis 

1. adolescents' most important task is identity vs. role confusion.  

2. identity crisis should be resolved before they can successfully conquer the next stage of development which is intimacy vs. isolation.  

2. Intimacy Vs Isolation: Normally confronted in Young adulthood  

1. Close heterosexual rel. within which procreation could be accomplished  

2. Problems: excludes possibility of intimacy in: homosexual relations, platonic friendships, childless marriages  

3. Intimacy is a threat to identity: lose tenuous self through closeness with another, if unsure of self, cannot be intimate  

4. Isolation: ind. does not dev. a capacity for sharing or caring about others. Relationships will be superficial, competitive, antagonistic or all three  

1. Problems- consequences cannot be identified from cause 

3. Brown (psychosocial)  

1. Developmental Model of Adolescent Love  

1. Initiation Phase - (Early Ad) tentative, explorations (days, weeks) 

2. Status Phase - first more serious relations, but linked to peer status (days, weeks)  

1. Friends are arbitrators  

3. Affection Phase – express deeper feelings and more physical intimacy (months)  

1. Friends – eyes, arbitrators, support  

4. Bonding Phase – (EA) more enduring and serious, discuss possibility of long term commitment  

1. Friends – minor but support 

3. Ecological theories  

1. Ecological perspectives emphasize the social and cultural contexts that encourage or constrain close relationships and endow them with meaning and significance.  

1. Ecological features include:  

1. historical, social, economic, political, geographical, cultural, and institutional and community conditions and characteristics that shape proximal experiences.  

2. The most frequently studied contexts of adolescent romantic relationships are networks of families and peers, ethnic/cultural contexts, religious institutions, and the mass media 

2. Bioecological model 

1. Bronfenbrenner: person in middle of circle, individual characteristics that are important (embedded in microsystem), ecosystem (societal institutions), mesosystem (interconnection between microsystem and larger system). Interconnections are very important as well. 

3. Biopsychosocial 

1. Herdt 

4. Multi-systemic perspective 

5. All these theories suggest that development does not take place in a vacuum, but evolve within various environmental contexts, both individual and social. 

4. Sternberg’s Triarchic Theory (nondevelopmental) 

1. Theory of love. What is love and how do we define it? 

2. What attracts us to others?  

1. Being around?  

2. Birds of a feather?  

3. Attractiveness?  

3. Attitudes, behavior, char, clothes, IQ, personality, lifestyle (Consensual validation)  

4. More likely to gain control of similar others. Sort of consensual validation 

5. Faces of love (4 forms) 

1. Altruism – unselfish interest in helping someone  

2. Friendship – form of a close relationship that involves enjoyment, acceptance, trust, respect, mutual assistance, confiding, understanding and spontaneity  

1. (differs from lovers with respect to fascination, exclusiveness, & stability)  

3. Romantic or Passionate love – strong sexual and infatuation components, often predominant in the early part of a love relationship  

1. “in love”  

2. Romantic love is the main reason to get married  

1. Would you get married if not in love:  

2. 1967: No 65% males and 20% females  

3. 1984: No 85% males and 80% females  

3. More than 50% of men and women today say that NOT being in love is sufficient reason to dissolve a marriage  

4. Companionate or affectionate love – have other person near, and deep caring affection for that person (Sternberg: intimacy and commitment) 

6. Triangular love scale. Love consists of three elements: passion, intimacy, commitment. 

Problems with research on romantic relationships 

• Lack of sufficient theory 

• Attachment theory leading theory 

• Biosocial models & ecological perspectives – very specific  

• No comprehensive Model  

• Difficult to research  

• Operational definitions  

• Self definitions, Minimum length  

• Representative Samples (schools, parents, internet)  

• Short duration and instability 

Part 4 – love meets technology 

What is sexting? 

• Sexting is: sending, receiving, or forwarding sexually explicit messages, photographs, or videos, primarily between mobile phones, of oneself to others. 

Research 

• Purpose (slide): how is sexting linked with adolescent relationship perceptions? 

• Methods 

• Differences in relationship quality as a function of sexting 

• Sexting is associated with higher levels of aggression in relationships with respect adults. 

• Predictors of sexting: relationship length, prior sex and verbal conflict 

• What are the implications of these results? 

• Should adolescents sext? 

• What will they achieve by sexting? 

• Why do adolescents sext? 

• Does sexting improve relationship satisfaction? 

Part 5 – sex in the Netherlands 

Sexual development 

• Series of different behaviors  

• kiss on the mouth  

• excitement and masturbation  

• French kiss  

• Feel and caress above clothes  

• Feel and caress under clothes  

• Manual sex  

• Intercourse and oral sex  

• Anal sex (minority)  

• Often in this order  

• It takes approximately 4 years (on average) 

Sex before age 25 

• Study in the Netherlands 

• Increase in participants 

• Results 

• Youth begin to have sex at a slightly later age (18 v 17 50%)  

• Use of the pill has decreased (from 74% to 64%) and is replaced by IUD (Intrauterine device Spiraaltje) 5% to 11%)  

• 40% of youth do not use a condom when having a one-night-stand  

• 75% do not use a condom regularly when having casual sex  

• Percent of youth who have experienced sexual coercion has decreased. 

• Sexting has drastically increased. (1/8 send, 1/4 males received, 1/5 girls received) 

• Graph 

• Descriptive norm 

• Gender: boys are reporting masturbating and being involved with French kissing earlier, later age for anal sex  

• Group differences 

• Educational level: very little difference across and within educational levels 

• University track students (VWO) begin later 

• Contraception: younger age > more likely to use contraception 

• European context: Dutch youth are late comparing other European adolescents 

Factors associated with early sex among 12–16-year-olds 

• Univariate Predictors  

• Reached puberty  

• School information  

• Social media use  

• Porno  

• Experienced bullying  

• Emotional neglect/abuse at home 

• Self-esteem (ns)  

• Mental health  

• Sexual victimization 

• Multivariate  

• Puberty + 

• Social media use + 

• Self esteem + 

Religion plays a significant role in attitudes about sex.  

Sexual coercion 

• Experiencing victimization makes young people vulnerable again 

• Many do not discuss the issue 

Conclusions 

• Dutch youth are all sexually active  

• Majority shows a normal sexual development, in a gradual order  

• Already before the sexual career (puberty) youth are confronted with sex  

• Information/education, and talking about sex with children, before the start of their sexual career, is very important.  

• Week of the spring jitters (Week van de Lentekriebels)  

• March 15-19, 2021 Theme: “Sexual and Gender Diversity”