Date: 3 February 2019

It has been long since I written a blog since I decided that I don't want to be put into a spotlight- in any form. I have issues with it, particularly of my dreams being chased and running. I don't know why I get dreams like that but I just received news recently that this blog has been put in a spotlight, so I said to myself that I will do my very best to be deserving of it as I remember what my mother said to me before.

Flashback. We were renting a place in Alegre/Alregria/Alegra, okay I don't remember exactly the name or how to spell it, but we were renting this place, and one day I came home and threw a tantrum. I threw and attempted to break a lot of things. I don't exactly know why I did, only that I don't want to be followed. Our helpers got scared of me that they all had to call my mother. They patched her through the phone, and asked me what is wrong. I told her that I don't want to be followed. I don't remember exactly who is/are following me, except that she replied that "They will follow you because of who you are". She told me that I am the eldest and my younger siblings and cousins will follow me no matter how I will try to escape it. And if they follow my footsteps in wasting my life, then the guilt will be on me. I think I was three years old then, and I was the child who she sold things for when I was a baby for my cure. I was also able to identify things before I can speak and I was already walking at 10 months old. So, at a young age my mother's bluntness pierced me to my core.

Writing in a journal type is also I habit that I had developed over the years, but to write with a purpose to share it is different because you put yourself in a spotlight. You share a part of your mind and heart. To me, it is very important how we "bloggers" or any person in the media should be aware of the important role they have in shaping the minds of people. It is also like how celebrities should be mindful of how they dress or how they act, or how my mother taught me how one should be a role model for the people who listens and looks up to you. People in spotlight should not only have to observe basic "etiquette" but they should also know and have a moral sense for the greater whole when they allow themselves to be in spotlight. They have to know why and what their effect on people do when they immerse themselves in glory, and that the moral obligation should be emphasized.

The spotlight is a fear I have to conquer. This might be a little thing to some but it is a big deal to me. I also am telling myself that no matter how much I run away from it, the spotlight will still chase me, keep on chasing me. I am getting sick of this routine, because I cannot hide from it forever. In spite of knowing that the spotlight is not only about the glory and glamour, it does not only present happiness but it also connotes the social responsibility we have as "bloggers" or as any person in spotlight to our audience. I am also my mother's daughter and learning from her means that I will also do my best to fit the role, in spite of my fear, in spite of my own personal insecurities. I have also done good things for the past year too, so I guess I will focus on that more.