Bradley, B., & Furrow, J. L. (2007). Inside blamer softening: Maps and missteps. Journal of Systemic Therapies, 26(4), 25-43 In Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), the softening of a more-blaming or pursuing partner is a pivotal change event. Soft emotions and the process of couple therapy A therapist’s facilitation of emotional regulation at both the intra and interpersonal levels is a primary influence in reducing relationship distress and the likelihood of dissolution. Primary shifts in internal emotional experience lead to changes in interactional patterns in EFT. Changing positions in a couple’s pattern promotes new opportunities for a more secure bond in the relationship. Emotional experience is a critical moving force in promoting these changes. Blamer softening occurs when a previously hostile/critical partner asks, from a position of vulnerability and within a high level of emotional experiencing, for reassurance, comfort, or for an attachment need to be met. The softening event results in the restructuring of a couple’s emotional bond, where a rigid cycle of negative interaction is transformed through the engagement and response to attachment-related affect, needs and longings. The shift toward vulnerability is typically followed by the accepting response of the other partner. Increases in partner accessibility and responsiveness are evidence of the couple’s move toward a more secure bond. Softening events are an ‘antidote’ to the negative interactional...